“Validation is the bridge between our inner and outer worlds.”
What Is Validation, and Why Does It Matter?
At its core, validation is about recognition—being seen, heard, and understood. It can come from external sources (like a partner’s approval or a colleague’s praise) or internal sources (like acknowledging your own efforts and worth).
Humans are validation-seeking creatures. It’s natural. From our earliest relationships with caregivers to our adult interactions, validation reinforces our identity, emotions, and sense of belonging. But what happens when this need becomes tangled in repetitive patterns, limiting beliefs, or cultural programming?
The Validation Lens helps us untangle those threads by examining our emotional responses and uncovering the deeper story behind them.
Why Emotional Reactions Hold the Key
Think about the last time you felt hurt, frustrated, or elated in a situation. That emotional response was likely tied to validation:
• Were you seeking acknowledgment for something important to you?
• Did you feel dismissed, unseen, or misunderstood?
• Or, did someone’s recognition light you up and reinforce your self-worth?
Emotions are clues, and the Validation Lens helps you follow those clues to the beliefs or patterns driving them. When we can see the dynamics of validation clearly, we gain the power to consciously decide whether those beliefs serve us—or if it’s time to rewrite the narrative.
The Framework:
How the Validation Lens Works
The Validation Lens Framework is designed to help you reverse-engineer your emotional reactions. Instead of staying stuck in the “why did this happen?” spiral, it invites you to explore how validation dynamics—both giving and receiving—play a role in shaping your feelings, behaviors, and beliefs.
Here’s a quick overview of the six steps in the framework:
1. The Situation:
Identify a specific moment when you felt a strong emotional
response.
2. The Validation Dynamics: Explore whether you were seeking or giving
validation, and how that influenced the situation.
3. Emotional and Behavioral Response: Reflect on your reaction—what you
felt, what you did, and the impact it had.
4. The Pattern or Belief: Uncover the belief or pattern driving your response.
5. A New Perspective: Reframe limiting beliefs into empowering perspectives.
6. Actionable Choice: Commit to a conscious step for the next time you
encounter a similar situation.
Each step builds on the last, helping you gain clarity about your patterns, understand the deeper role of validation, and align your actions with your authentic desires.
Why It Works
The Validation Lens is transformative because it goes beyond surface-level analysis. By framing emotional responses through the lens of validation, it:
• Shifts the focus from reaction to understanding.
• Uncovers hidden patterns tied to our deepest needs for recognition.
• Creates space for conscious, intentional choices.
It’s not about blaming ourselves for seeking validation—it’s about acknowledging this universal need and learning to navigate it with awareness and grace.
Validation: A Universal Human Drive
This framework isn’t about “fixing” the need for validation—it’s about embracing it. Seeking and giving validation is part of what makes us human. It connects us, drives us, and helps us create meaning. But when it leads to patterns that don’t serve us, it’s an opportunity for reflection and growth. By working through the Validation Lens, we can identify the beliefs that keep us stuck, break free from repetitive cycles, and align our choices with our true desires. It’s not just about emotional freedom—it’s about creating a life that feels authentically ours.
Ready to start?
The Validation Lens Workbook offers guided exercises to help you explore your patterns, uncover your beliefs, and make empowering choices. It’s your step-by-step guide to understanding the role of validation in your life and using it as a tool for growth.
Or, if you’re ready to dive deeper, let’s work together. As a coach, I guide clients through this process to help them uncover their patterns, reconnect with their authentic desires, and create lives that feel aligned and fulfilling. Booking a session gets you the workbook for free!
The workbook is priced at $17, but you can pay what you can afford! ($5 min.)
